Have you ever encountered an unhappy person? They don’t have to outwardly say they are unhappy, but you can just feel it. I used to be this person. Most people would see me and say I am happy, but underneath and behind the scenes, I was struggling with my own reality. I didn’t truly know what my true calling was and what haunted me more was the fact that I couldn’t be all in on something.
If you have known me for any amount of time I am the type of person that has to figure things out. I have a hard time brushing things off, or sweeping it under the rug. The question, “what is my true calling” puzzled me for years but I didn’t understand what was happening.
I could not figure it, I felt lost. A pit was forming. The pit inside of me had slick walls that I could not grasp. The pit was a dark place to be, but I could not give up I had to find a way to get to the top. Over the next 3 years, I had to do a bit of self-discovery, engaging myself for answers.
This all came about after I got out of the military. I had gone from 100 miles an hour to 5 miles per hour on a fast day. My environment changed overnight, the people I had around me as friends and mentors were at a distance. The life I was meant to build was unknown. Do I work for someone else? What is my purpose? Why did I get out? Did I do everything I was meant to do? Did I fall short? All these questions spun in my head like a tornado, tearing everything I knew apart.
When I went into the military at the young age of 18. I figured I would do it forever. My profession while in was the best it could be. I fought for and with my family, my brothers, and there was only one way to get out. I never wanted my family to get harmed and wanted to go first to ensure their safety. The choice to leave was a hard decision to make. I hadn’t been able to spend time with my child for 3 years I felt my wife and child slipping away from me. When I would come home, we didn’t recognize one another. The Rico they knew was going to sleep, and the other part of me was unemotional and distant.
For the sake of my wife and child, my true family. Whom I love deeply. I had to make a tough decision, to get out. Almost immediately after making the decision I felt a weight come off my shoulders. I almost felt free.
However, the foundation I stood on was reduced to rubble, like a disaster scene I had to rebuild my house. Piece by piece. My life had changed, but it was my turn to take control. I left the military for a reason, and up until that point, I had never done things that satisfied my true calling. But that was a problem because I didn’t know what my true calling was. I left what I thought my true calling was to help and support my true family. It was still unclear what the answer was, the next 3 years seemed almost impossible.
We are given life, what we do with that life is what truly defines our own reality. When I made the decision to leave the military. It wasn’t because I hated the military, it was because I hated what it was doing to my wife and son. I disliked the fact that war and training for war created a thick shell impervious to anyone. I was so engulfed in the life I led, that I actually believed it to be necessary.
However, I would not trade the lessons I learned or the experiences I had for anything. I cherish every single second I spent in the SEAL Teams. I grew up in the SEAL teams, I was put in more situations than most people at my age. At 22 I became a lead petty officer and chief before 30. I felt this was my true calling, so I was all in. I led my career with a fearless attitude and a limitless capacity for success.
Imagine if each one of us could lead their lives in such a way that would cause them to only see possibilities. To see the standard and smash it. Turn a blind eye to outside limits people and society put on us. We would be unstoppable.
Over the last 3 years, I recognized that there are things you have to do to become fearless and to have a limitless capacity for success.
1.What am I doing
What am I doing here? You have to be honest, brutally honest. There is no way around it, you either go through it, or you don’t. Write it down. If it is hard to write, then there is a problem. There is a disconnect between what you want and what you are doing. If it goes down on paper easy, great, you are clear or well-rehearsed. Whether it is hard or easy, in either case, you need to read through what you wrote.
Notice how you feel when you read it back to yourself. Mark the troubling portions note the emotion associated with the hesitation.
When I got out of the military, I felt that all my worth was associated with a title. I was a US Navy SEAL. How cool is that? I left that life behind, so now how cool is that? You can’t walk in anywhere and say hey I am (Insert title here) and expect them to come rushing. I didn’t understand this at first, and it was extremely frustrating. But the title had nothing to do with what my self-worth was and is.
Yes, I had those experiences, and I learned a lot, but I had to realize there was something beyond the title. There was actually a person under there that needed to breathe. I had to ask myself what am I doing here?
Once you have done this, you can make it better.
2.Recognize your worth
Now you are starting to see what can be improved. Now you can begin to fashion what your worth looks like or should feel like. You are worth more than you give yourself credit for, and you are able to transition into that life at any time. It could be a simple mindset shift.
In any business, the goal is to solve a problem. The problem for most of us is figuring out how to solve the problem of unhappiness to happiness. In most cases, we feel that we are not being valued correctly. Recognizing your worth is essential in building your foundation. When I got out of the military, my foundation was ripped apart. I put everything into my title, but I quickly realized the title was only an episode in my life. Not who I really was. I had to realize my worth, what was I about, what could I align with happily.
Take what you had written down, with the emotional indicators. Now write out how you would create a solution to those issues. Notice I did not say try. You need to create a solution no matter how ridiculous it may seem. Just get your idea out there and begin to fashion your new self-worth.
This exercise should make you feel happy and excited. Giving you a sense of renewed confidence. If it doesn’t, you need to get to the bottom of what is holding you back. It may be you overthinking what others will think. Remember those people are not in charge of who you are, you are in charge.
We all need to recalibrate from time to time. The environment you are in now may not be the same as it was a year ago or even 5 minutes ago. It is all part of the process, to refresh yourself and reunderstand what you genuinely believe in.
3.Be All In
Once you fully understand who you are and what your worth is. Be all in. Do not step away or step back from that no matter who comes in your way. If an obstacle comes up, do not lose sight of your goals. But move in the direction necessary no matter how hard. Life is full of tests, if you are not all in those tests will stop you. When you get back up the test will be there to greet you. Blow through it and take it head-on. Be All In.
Go through the steps and make sure you genuinely believe every piece. Dive head first and don’t look back. Be All In. You will start to see when your focus is focused nothing can stop you, doors open, and opportunities reveal themselves.
Do not hesitate the time is now. Everyone on the planet has a true path something we are meant to do. It is our responsibility to recognize and understand what it is we bring to the table. It is ultimately your choice to find your worth and be all in. If you found it but choose to be half in, half out, you will get half result or no results. You are here for a reason, understand that and push forward.